How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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