So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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