How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
