between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
