there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
