my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize