Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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