I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just want to make out with him forever
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
