Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
