it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
