He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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