brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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