actually, I'm a sock model
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
