Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
