I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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