..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
