Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
