Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
