Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
worst night to have a conscience
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
