The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
