If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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