this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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