So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
