16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
