Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
