hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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