I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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