Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
