He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
