sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
