but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
