Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
