just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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