You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
