One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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