OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
