Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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