I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
