I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
