i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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