Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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