Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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