I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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