i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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