I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
