Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he just fucked me for my cheese.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
