he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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