Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
