How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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