last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
