Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Boobs are out for the taking
the liver wants what the liver wants
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
