We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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