Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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