its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
