his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
