I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
