I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
