his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
