I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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