I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
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