you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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