I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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