FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
