I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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