Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
