I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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