he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
