I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I am one with the molecules
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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