where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
