i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
