I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
