I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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